Thursday, December 8, 2011

A rant on Nathaniel Hawthorne

Dear Nathaniel Hawthorne,
            You sir, are an imbecile. Thanks for defiling the world and the 1st semester of my English class. You wrote probably the most retarded book I have ever read so far, next to A Tale of Two Cities. You do not know how much agony this book has brought to me and my family. I got a C in English class because of how your book is impossible to read. Not only is it in stupid 12th century vocabulary, but the plot and readability of this book is so annoying, I shot it out of the literary cannon. I assume you don’t know what I’m talking about, so I’ll explain. The Literary cannon is a steel toed boot I wear whenever I drop kick books I don’t like off of my balcony. Whoever it was that decided your book was an “american literary classic” is a moron. I was forced to spend roughly two months with your infernal book in which time I could have done something so much more productive. Thanks to your book, my nights were spent eating ice cream, crying, and watching Oprah, all at the same time. My innocence is gone, and your book replaced it with the kind of feeling that produces some of the most wonderful suicide letters. Why couldn’t you have written something even moderately interesting. Who wants to read about some puritan hag committing adultery and getting pregnant? I guarantee no one in the late 21st century will want to read your book. I can justify that because no one wants to read it right now. It’s a shame Hitler didn’t get his hands on every copy of this book… I’d be thankful for that. I’m sorry if this seems like a rant, but your book just sucks. It ruined my life. You better be happy the English department didn’t let me burn this book, because its starting to get cold, and I need to keep my house warm. Thus is probably the one benefit of your book: paper to BURN. Also, now my English class thinks I’m a retard because I wefused to read your book, and failed every test on the book. You should come to the 21st century because I know quite a few people that need to beat the crap out of you; and before you leave take your ratchet book and A Tale of Two Cities with you… they dont belong here. Your book is like a troll within literature. It just goes around ruining people’s day and feeling good about itself. Why did you have to write it? Why cant you write like a normal person? You should have spent your time just going around the custom house counting all the illegal Mexicans instead. And don’t even get me started on the custom house. From your description, it sounded as if it were an Indian brothel. But anyway, I have a single suggestion for you. Go work for Disney Channel… you’ll fit in just fine.

With most disregards,
The Priest of Pain

A review on Around the World in 80 Days.

My time with this book has come to a close. I'm unhappy to say that, thanks to library policy, I was unable to finish the book. Of what I read of it, I wasn't the most amused, although it isn't the worst composition I've read. I didn't find anything wrong with the book, its just that I expected more of it. I expected humor, adventure, action, and something to give the book its own unique vibe. The book didn't have much motion and was really plain. It was just a bit too simple for my personal taste, but it has potential for being a good read for people who like this kind of book. The characters within don't really have anything special or unique about them, and the plot is very realistic in comparison to the time period. I really expected Mr. Fogg to be a CHARACTER but apparently he isn't. By character i mean someone who has an outstanding personality. The kind of personality that is a rarity as you don't get to meet very many people with that same style in your life. Mr Fogg is honestly just a really punctual guy to the point of it almost annoying me. The storyline is essentially the characters just traveling around. Its not the dramatic race against time i expected, and hoped it would be. Overall I felt this book was good because I could read it without having the want to kick it out of a window. I wish I had the time to finish it. I would have probably been able to appreciate it more.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Music to travel around the world listening to.

So I have spent about two or three weeks reading around the world in 80 days. I would make a post about music that is relative to the mood and setting of the book, but sadly, I dont know about any music that is dull. I'm sorry but around the world wasn't the most exciting thing I ever read, and it mainly consisted of the characters just traveling from place to place. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the book... kinda, but it just doesn't have the action, thrill, drama, passion, or moving elements make a book unique. I simply looked at it and said, well this book is essentially about a race around the world against time... even though its not fast... at all... but anyway, here's the song I associate most with racing. 

Tiesto - Louder Than Boom

By the way, I also have a keen interest in foreign music since, well quite frankly, its better than the music produced in these states. Here's a list of music from around the world that i enjoy. BTW these all link to YouTube.

Colombia: Joe Arroyo - La Noche    This man is a genius.

Russia: Aidamir Mugu - Chornye Glaza   The accordion is just amazing. This is the song I grew up to.

Sweden: Swedish House Mafia - One
People who say perfection isn't real simply haven't heard this yet.

France: Alonzo - Determine
[Parental Discretion advised.... this is sick]

Germany: Extrawelt - confuzzled
Its just so chill. This song puts me to sleep really easily.

Netherlands: Armin van Buuren - Shivers
Peace. Pure and simple.

Sparknotes... shocking isnt it???

So I have recently been introduced to a website by the name of I must say this website is just so beautifully useful. Its essentially a compilation of study tools for books, as well as plentiful information about any book that you can access when you dont have the time to actually read whole passages, want a preview of it, or want info on a book you particularly dont want to read, especially when you're required to read it for a class. It includes summaries of the book, each chapter, characters, themes, plot, and important things to take note of. its essentially a cheat sheet for modern day English students. Any key piece of information is right where you can find it easily. There is a massive collection of books on the site and its all at the disposal of the people. I wish i had knowledge of this website back when I was reading A Tale of Two Cities and The Scarlet Letter. I wouldn't actually have to suffer through hundreds of pages of    :P.....    :( .....    uugghhh......      X(..... I would have also probably known more and gotten better grades on my tests of the books. This is what makes the website just so amazing. you dont have to read everything; just bits that give a complete understanding of what happens in the books.

Now although this website has wonderful potential, you just cant replace a book (especially if its good) with passionless notes... (unless you have a good enough excuse ;)   ). Its not the same experience. the author wants you to have a wonderful, moving experience as you flip through the pages, and notes just cant match the artistry and passion carved into the pages of the book itself. The writer wants you to read the words in the book because those are the words that they chose, and they put them there for a reason; for your enjoyment and learning. The writer doesn't want their work to be so easily replaced by simple notes that they didn't intend for you to read. Along with that, if its a goooooooood book, like the kind that drills through your sensitivity and manipulates your emotions and feelings, why would you pass up the chance to experience it? Its like listening to a 10 second sample of the most amazing song ever instead of the song itself. It just doesn't have the soul and force that makes you... move. The way I put it is that substituting the actual book for sparknotes is like taking the passion, feel, momentum, experience, imagery, imagination, creativity, and uniqueness of a book, crumpling it up and just reading the stupid words on the soulless paper... or in this case webpage...

Besides, its kinda disrespectful to the writer... how dare you replace their hard work they composed for you, and just passing it on your way to read the BS edition some person created on the website...